Lots of things happen in life that you don't post to Facebook for the world to see. You don't share them because they seem unnecessary to do so. So what do you do when the situation has stretched itself out, nobody has known because up to this point it hasn't existed, how do you just casually drop in and say, "so by the way...."
So the debate on whether to post this story has been back and forth in my mind for a number of reasons. It's no secret in my blogs I'm very open about what I post because I believe we need to share experiences in order to help each other. However, this one seemed to me like "well, this is an interesting situation". And then it didn't pass on as easily as I thought it was going to.
Plus, it had a lot of pride wrapped into it. I didn't want people to pity me. I didn't expect this pain to go on so long and wasn't giving it much energy. Why did people need to know my business? I didn't want people to think I still couldn't do my work. I didn't want people to think of me as different. Oye! You can see a lot of ego wrapped up in here, because really what do all those thoughts matter? Because now, I AM seeing it as it is. It IS part of my current reality and people are wondering about it.
Anyway, long story short, I'm the fabled 1%(though I think it is much much higher), I am the fine print, I am the drug commercial they warn you about. I took a commonly prescribed steroid and have not had normal ability in my legs for six weeks.
I know, it's not common for me to do this, I'm a Natural Health Practitioner, why would I ever have taken a drug? Well, I have always asked for a union of healing methods and I will do the same as I advise my clients. If an acute situation comes up then we should take advantage of medical skill. I just don't believe that conventional medicine should be used first and foremost, for everything, and before other methods have been tried if at all possible. I also believe in natural living to reduce the toxic effects to our bodies and I believe even as much as we KNOW, our bodies still get put into challenging situations because of the toxins and mis care of our world and our physical bodies end up in situations because of it. And so we can't prevent it all but have to adapt to what is. So I felt confident that due to all I had faced recently, I needed to open my span of help available.
Isn't it interesting that we really never know the challenges that others may be facing? For me, it's been a domino effect. We lost a baby at 4 months, then a DNC, then a multitude of problems during pregnancy with our last baby which led to an emergency c section which triggered an emergency appendectomy. It's really common for an autoimmune response to develop after all of this trauma. Particularly with me because I already had Crohns and Colitis ten years ago, (which my body had healed naturally without meds). All this trauma to the abdomen...here we go again. This steroid is supposed to help with the way my body responded. With surgical intervention of the c section and the appendectomy and feeling very ill I didn't feel I had much option and certainly not within a short amount of time. Thankfully, though I didn't have my wits and strength about me, my husband did and knows my values and helped say no to all the things he knew I would not choose. The steroid was, we felt, the least interventional way to help me while all of my naturopathic efforts were getting into gear.
I chose to take the drug.
I cannot describe the pain other than it felt like someone took a sledgehammer and broke all the bones in my legs and then forced me to walk. Originally, it was this pain and the fact that from my hips, tailbone and down to my toes were hard and wooden and swollen and I couldn't bend in any way, that prevented me from walking and my husband carried me or I stayed on the couch. Then it got to be because my muscles were atrophying and forgetting what to do. I resorted to using Evan's crutches from an old injury and eventually my friend donated a wheelchair so that I could get around once we realized it was not going to be as passing as we thought.
Now, here is where the ego stuff comes in because I didn't want pity. Because this is where energy comes in. I'm telling the story. But where my heart and spirit lie I don't give it any energy. As i write this, nobody knows what the future will hold, if it will go away or how long. But I learn from what I'm experiencing and I'm determined that I still can change the world, sitting down or standing up. And, let's focus on the facts. It's getting better. My legs are feeling less pain, I'm able to flex and do more, plus I'm getting physical therapy which helps my muscles get back in shape. THAT is really what I have wanted the focus to be if anyone was going to know my story. While I appreciate the sentiment, it does me no good for you to send out energy of "Oh how awful! Blah blah blah". It's wonderful because I've been afforded opportunities to change, so if you really care about me, let's put our focus on healing. Thanks, I would really appreciate knowing you'll do that. In fact, in keeping with humor, when you comment back to me, you can tell me "congratulations!" ;)
I had a dream once that my husband was in the hospital dying and everyone was saying and thinking things like "oh that's too bad! How awful! What will Amanda do now?" and I yelled at everyone to get out, if they couldn't send positive energy his way then they weren't allowed near him! I want the same thing. It's not a time for pity. There is no one to blame mainly because there is no such thing as blame, everything happens for a reason, and I chose to take the drug, knowing what I know. So obviously there were concepts there on why I attracted this that I've had to work through as well, which is awesome...how else would I have cleared those harmful concepts unless they were out there in the open where I could see them?
Besides, great things have happened with this.
1. I got to change the way I work and I love it. I still do physical appointments but it's mainly all by phone and hair and lab tests sent in, which means I can help more people in the same amount of time. Plus, I am selling online lessons and tools for success and getting to mentor people into a life/business/ relationship/career they love with phone coaching sessions. I LOVE getting to hear people's business ideas and helping them make them happen. I LOVE getting to help people be better in their relationships, be healthier, and love themselves more. Lastly, I'm writing and publishing more including a tweenage novel which is a huge step out of my comfort zone but, hey, I've had a LOT of couch time! It's not long before you run out of interesting things to occupy your mind!
2. I don't believe it's the awesome abundances and amazing things you do in life that are truly what evolve you. I think it's the state of BEING, no matter what comes your way, in a way that you can learn, grow, and be proud of. That no matter what struggles you face you feel it, you allow it to change you, and you don't waste the experience and I am NOT wasting this. It's so incredibly painful and lifechanging, it's definitely important and I am not wasting it. I don't love that I had to get this far, but I DO love that I have gotten to see exactly what I needed to see. Why does it seem like sometimes we need to back ourselves into a corner before we'll just listen to intuition?
3. Getting to have all this time to recuperate, I've been able to focus on my physical needs in their entirety and the symptoms of Crohns and Colitis are once again completely non-existent....without medications of any kind!!
4. I also got to report the experience to the FDA which, if more of us do, hopefully it will draw more attention to the drug companies (not the doctors, who I believe really have tried to work in my favor) but the makers of the drugs who DO know what these chemicals can and DO do. I called myself the "fabled 1%" not because people don't have reactions, but because they don't get reported. If you have a problem, go to medwatch.com and report it! I can't say FDA will do anything, but at least the statistics will be more accurate and we'll have energy going in the direction of change.
I know the lessons are for more than just me, as all human experiences are. Instead of being fearful of what could happen hearing my story, let it give you the opportunity for change in ourselves and our reach in the world.
Hopefully, it alerts all of us to take care of ourselves, using natural methods and heritage techniques and take care of our earth and the people she provides for BEFORE there's a problem so we don't hit that slippery slope, and feeling safe to use medical when and if we need it. Then, hopefully we have less medical challenges as a whole. But when we do we can trust the people that serve to heal.
Hopefully it forces people to be accountable for themselves and their own Greatness and desire to act from it. That they'll turn from greed and work as one for highest good of all and if we've supported our true teachers of these methods then if we can't avoid mortal hazard, than at least we have people we trust to help us.
Hopefully it makes us read the fine print and see if that drug is really the only way we realize those warnings really can and DO happen.
Hopefully, it makes us not trust so willingly when the words "the benefits outweigh the risks" are used. Because there are lots of times these words are harmfully used.
And more so than that, hopefully it takes our blinders off and makes us make some change in this world, helps us support the right people and efforts, and teaches us the true gift we have in getting to have LIFE.
So, yeah, when you ask, I'm doing fine and I have people to help me when I forget that I am. I hope you're one of them. People need each other, we can't do this alone. Don't worry about me; I'm not giving up on my Greatness so I"m not letting you off the hook either. :)