Recognizing Your Concepts
We often ask, “But how can I know what my concepts are?”
My reply is simple: look around you. Understand that everything you see around you was created by you. And we have already learned that we can only create what is first in our minds. Wouldn’t it make sense that if we want to change our environment, change our future, we would first need to recognize what is in the mind?
What is it about your current environment, career, relationship, life, circumstance, situation, that you find unacceptable to you? Write these down.
Once you have identified that which you don’t like, accept the understanding that you want to “change”. We get fearful of that word, when really, change is the epitome of life itself. We don’t live without the ever changing actions of the body, the change over of new cells to replace the old. So give yourself permission and freedom to "grow" (vs. change)
- Ask yourself what choices you made that helped create what you see around you.
- Ask yourself why you made those choices. Follow the white rabbit by asking "why" to your answer. Do this repeatedly until you no longer have an answer. Let your mind follow the thoughts where they take you. Do you still really believe those reasons? Are they excuses so that you can get out of something or be less than? Watch where you have placed “blame”.
- Recognize where your concepts came from.
- See how they created your habits.
- Change the story of what you‘ve been saying to yourself. You CAN drop any old belief you’ve previously held.
- Make the CHOICE to choose differently. Make choices based on your new concepts.
Sandy was a self described grumpy angry person. She recognized that she didn’t truly feel joy in her life. She didn’t want to feel this way, but her reason was that people annoyed her. It was easier to just be by herself. But she was also lonely. She didn’t have anyone to spend evenings with, birthday celebrations, or holiday parties. She didn’t know how it got to be this way, why she didn’t have any friends.
Sandy first identified that she did not like her situation: her loneliness.
She then admitted that she wanted a change.
She asked herself what were the choices she had made over the years that presented her current circumstances to her. She had made choices to separate herself from people. She said no to invitations so often that eventually they stopped inviting her. She turned down dates.
Sandy asked herself why she made these choices. Upon reflection, Sandy discovered her concepts: that to let people in hurts. After a bitter divorce early in her marriage, she was scared to let people get close. One of her concepts was that “people will hurt me”. Another was “I’m not good enough for someone to be friends with.”
These concepts developed her habits to avoid phone calls, public places, and team situations. She chose jobs in which she would work on her own. She chose activities that didn’t involve groups.
Sandy changed the wording of what she had been subconsciously telling herself simply to: “I am a good friend.” “ I deserve good friends,” “People want to be friends with me.” “I want to be friends with people”.
Sandy then made different choices based on her new concepts. She joined a bowling league. She started to eat lunch in the break room at work. Believing people wanted to be friends with her if given the chance, she started taking initiative in conversation.
Sandy realized her original feelings of anger and grumpiness stemmed from misguided concepts that created her situation.