“I’m tired, stressed, overburdened and simply just want to cry myself to sleep,” says the third client today.
It’s an all too common occurrence in my office to hand over the tissues to the tearful person who feels so stuck they simply can’t see their way out.
But it may not have anything to do with being STUCK with what life is bringing to you, and MORE about the fact that you are not linking your “responsible” life with your “dreamer” life. You remember the little girl who used to have dreams, imagination, and play, don’t you? Don’t throw her away, she holds very valuable keys of remembrance to what it was you wanted to DO with your life. For sure, she leads the way in helping you identify what she VALUED at least. It was how she spent her everyday. Remember that?
While these feelings can be a burden on men and women alike, their common-ness is becoming an overwhelming epidemic. Here are three of the most common indicators that the reason you feel overwhelmed and stressed is because your life and purpose aren’t matching up.
The Most Common Signs:
- You feel anxious. Call it discontent, unsettled, uneasy, stressed, tense, tight, irritable, angry, frustrated. The list goes on and on but either way, if you’re feeling these words or yours, then it’s a good sign your day to day actions don’t match up with what you believe you SHOULD be spending your time doing.
A huge reason people feel symptoms of anxiety is largely due to the fact that their daily lives do not reflect their purposeful lives. It is easy to get mixed up in the demands and robotic actions of day to day living and soon your days have run away with you. Especially after becoming parents, it’s common practice to lose yourself in the process of running, appointments, activities, and doing all the “right” things good parents should do.
Yet, subconsciously, there are things that you know you WANT to be doing instead. Even if you enjoy your domestic responsibilities, when you seem to never be able to get at the things that grow your soul, there’s going to be a sense of loss and frustration there….what we call “anxiety”.
Personal growth and development is a basic human need of all humans. Everything changes, constantly. It’s the one thing we can count on. Yet when we are in the periods of our lives where the demands make our days feel demanding and draining, routine and rote, mundane and monotonous, we can get into robot brain where we are so focused on the task and responsibility that we forget to grow, learn, be spontaneous, try new things, and do things differently. All of these lead to a routine of comfort, out of fear of making the day harder, and we don’t grow.
I know this is a big factor for working and/or busy moms. There is already so much to do, and so much to make the day hard, that if we don’t do each thing JUST SO, we end up making the day harder on ourselves due to the unexpected and UNPLANNED FOR (gasp!) occurrences. However, it’s in the simple and mundane, non-exciting experiences of each day that grow you as an individual. HOW you (or your child) handled the forgotten lunch, what happens when you let your husband do the bedtime routine instead of you, letting your child get his own breakfast (even if there may be spills and messes) are all things that involve LETTING GO and letting others be responsible, taking the pressure off of YOU to be everybody’s end all. Ultimately, this is what needs to happen….everybody to learn how to take care of themselves so family tasks can be a PARTNERSHIP based on a recognition of each member’s needs being valuable and planned for, as well as the needs of the greater good of the family.
Besides that, we are so busy tending to others’ needs that we forget to do the things that not only rejuvenate us, but grow us as individuals.
Bottom line, however, is that if you don’t do ANYTHING new or in a new way, you will continue to have the same, or variation of the same, experiences every day. Day in, and day out.
Morning person or not, when you can’t seem to get out of bed in the morning because of the daunting day in front of you, this is a good sign that it’s because the tasks you are about to get up and due are routine, mundane, and make you feel drained rather than rejuvenated. People with purpose and passion are excited to get up and get a jump on it. They at least have learned to create a space in their day, however, short or long, to do one thing that allows them to start their day with something to look forward to.
So, What Can You Do?
- Write down what you want to do, ideally with your day. Then, take a day and write down every little thing you do. Compare the lists. See the discrepancy? Find ways to do more of your ideal day.
- There is no “should”. Write your own life. With our clients and those we mentor we do an activity I call Your Personal Avatar. It’s called that because my clients tend not to be able to see themselves as this other part of them, but it’s the part that IS them. Examining the truth of who you are and how you want to live and be is the first step to including YOURSELF in your every day.
- Define your personal mission. Our Golden Ticket Personal Mission Blueprint is the foundational brick of our Blueprint For Your Success Online Course, and is a one page, one stop shop to clearly see the personal mission in your own life and the purpose your experiences have pointed out along the way, if only you will see them. It serves as a constant reminder of the things to put your focus on, and helps develop a plan for how to add them in to the fray of the day.
- Make your morning matter. The first 1,2, or even 3 hours of the day are a huge indicator on how the rest of the day will go. These hours are sacred and set the intention and vibration for your mood, emotions, and productivity. Find someone who is good with motivation in the morning, morning routine, or productivity for your day, like Darren Hardy, or Hal Elrod. No matter who you find to help you motivate and plan for your mornings, it’s a must if you want to get your life on track.
- For that matter, the night before is how you jumpstart your purposeful morning. Make your night matter. Getting in the game after you are just exiting the game for the day is the best time to plan the ways you want to spend your following day. I use my personally designed AM/PM Success Planner, which not only is a daily planner, but includes time and space each night for planning my following day. That way I can get right up and see, clearly written down, what I believed were the most effective, priority things to do at a time where I was right in the thick of it. No time spent trying to remember the questions that end up derailing us and leaving room for the monkey brain to step in, “What was that again?” “Where was I?” “What should I be doing now?” Too late, we’ve lost focused and someone else’s need already stepped in. (Or social media has now distracted us).
- Remember that it’s temporary. Your kids grow, your family needs change. It’s what you create now that will change your tomorrow by the time they’re ready to fly the coop.
- Self worth and value exercises. You will NEVER carve out time for yourself if you don’t believe that you have value and are worth the effort.
- Try new things. You won’t have new experiences if you don’t do new things. Yes, there is the risk for something to pop up that you didn’t plan for (gasp again!) But it’s in these things that you grow yourself as a person by how you handle it.
- Do things differently. Sounds cuckoo for cocoa puffs, but try toweling off the exact opposite of how you currently dry off after your shower, or brush your teeth with your other hand. Why? Because we tend to do things THE EXACT SAME WAY. Doing something differently makes new neurons develop in the brain.
- As hard as it is, you’ve got your routine and there’s comfort in that. It avoids the chance for problems that make the day harder than it is. However, adding a little room for spontaneity can be refreshing and an easy way to give yourself new experiences, even if all that means is that you do your routine differently, ( and not the ultra efficient, most problems averted way we’ve always done things, right moms?) Remember, it’s in the challenge and how you handle it where there is growth. Besides, you might happen upon something new and interesting.
- Create a PARTNERSHIP between you and your spouse, and among your family members, so that ALL members have time to tend to their own self growth. “Equality” is not about each person doing the exact same things, it’s a partnership of shared responsibility that is solved using each persons skills, gifts, and talents. It’s about sharing in each other’s needs, not that all responsibility falls on one person. It’s about agreeing on and working towards TOGETHER, the end goals for the whole family. This means traditional roles need not apply, or they may, depending on how you as a family choose to tackle the responsibilities of the day.
Amanda Plevell, PhD, CNHP is a Natural Medicine Practitioner, Cellular Biochemistry Researcher, and the effects that experiences, emotions, and beliefs play into the programming of the cells, along with the resulting health expression. As an Entrepeneur, and popularly followed Intuitive Life Coach, Self and Business Trainer and Program Developer, she is the founder of the Natural Source Companies, Community WellClinics, and The Success Conditioning Academy. Author of over 28 natural health and self development books, Amanda is well sought after in the arenas of education, wellness and health, and business development. Her bestselling books include such titles as " The Success Conditioning Work it Out Book", "The Genesis Code", "I Am Success", "The Energy of Divorce", "The Real Heal: The Genesis Code", and "Clean Your Plate".
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